Homes On The Range.

By Sam Dalton.

First published in the "Sacramento Magazine".

Billy Crystal's "City Slickers", a cinematic homage to open skies, cowhides, and chafed thighs, sparked a vitrual stampede of urbanized hombres to dude ranches sprawled across just about every split-railed corner of rural America. Who wouldn't want to trade in a few days of corporate bedlam for a relaxing getaway where congenial country folks invite you to put up your feet, sit a spell, and savor the sagebrush? It's plumb therapeutic. Fortunately, you don't have to travel very far from Northern California to enjoy a family guest ranch vacation. A family of four can expect to pay approximately $1,500 to $2,000 weekly (including three meals a day) for accommodations ranging from rustic bunkhouses to luxurious suites (televisions and telephones, in most cases, are deliciously absent).
Here's a roundup of five authentic guest ranches that stretch across thousands of acres tucked into mountains and meadows--all within about a half-day's drive from Sacramento.

Hunewill Circle H Guest Ranch--Twin Lakes Road rambles out of the sleepy town of Bridgeport, on route 395, past rolling fields of grazing Herefords to the 4,500-acre working cattle ranch 200 miles southeast of Sacramento.

Founded in 1861 by Esther and N.B. (Napoleon Bonaparte) Hunewill, the ranch first welcomed guests in 1931 as a way to generate extra income dujring the Great Depression. today, it's operated by Esther and N.B.'s grandson Stan, his daughter Betsy (Hunewill) Elliot and her husband John. Accommodations range from modest rooms in the ranch house to two-bedroom, two-bath cottages with portches overlooking a grassy play area.

Outside, a hardy game of horseshoes pauses to accommodate Boris--a scruffy ranch hound who shuffles over frequently for a scratch behind the ears. His motled fur and skittish demeanor sujggest a lineage that could easily have been the result of a liason between a Scottish terrier and a hyena. A stand of tall Lombardy poplars guards an elegant Victorian ranch house. Inside, faded daguerreotypes of N.B. and Esther overlook a comfortable parlor. Here, you'll find bookshelves laden with a curious juxtaposition of past and present., On one, a tattered volume of The Personal Memoirs of U. S. Grant crumbles beside recent Stephen King spine-tinglers.

From the ranch, a gentle all-day trail ride takes you deep into the Toiyabe National Forest past quaking aspens that still bear the initials of Basque shepards carved in the 1860s. If you're an advanced rider, the distand peaks of Sawtooth Crag frame an exhilarating lope across Hunewill Meadow where a squadron of turkey hawks circling overhead pays little heed to the thundering horses.

Talent night ofers you a chance to share the limelight in a rollicking evening of skits, poetry recitals, and musical numbers performed by guests and members of the ranch staff. Don't be suprised if Betsy and her dad, Stan, kick off the show with a dazzling tap dance routine. A winsome ditty about a legendary family horse named Decko is the heart-tugging finale that leaves nary a dry eye in the house.

Chef Brian French readily admits he occasionally uses ranch guests as "guinea pigs" for new recipes. Volunteer to try his scrumptious chicken breast stuffed with feta cheese, ham and spinach. And save room for a scandalous concoction of Oreo cookies, chocolate pudding, and whipped cream he calls Sex in a Pan.

Spanish Springs Ranch blankets 75,000 acres off Highway 395 near the town of Ravendale, California about 120-miles north of Reno. This 10-year old western vacation destination (owned by prefabricated housing magnate R.C. Roberts) is part of a collection of land holdings and ranches scattered across California's Madeline Plains and Nevada's Black Rock Desert.

You'll likely find ranch manager Charles "Lefty" Brinkmand pounding out a zesty renditiion of George Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue" on an upright piano in the main lodge. Here, deep-cushioned couches and chairs encircle a floor-to-ceiling stone fireplace big enough to display a mounted elk head, a couple of deer, and a vintage wooden two-wheeler. At the bar, help yourself to an ever-present bowl of chips and salsa.

Sixteen luxurious custom-decorated one-bedroom suites (all equipped with compact refrigerators and wet bars) dot a chaparral-covered hill above the rodeo arena. Four additional private log cabins sport one and two bedrooms, while six duplexes offer queen-size beds as well as twin beds.

If you're not particular about sharing sleeping quarters, check out the boy's and girl's dorms in the main bunkhouse. Besides economical accommodations, the bunkhouse features plenty of space for family camaraderie. In the communal living room, a splintered armoire hides a TV and a VCR.

Meals are served family style in a cozy dining room overlooking a placid duck-pond. Don't be afraid to try the roasted buffalo. It's a tender lowfat alternative to beef served alongside heaping bowls of salad, mashed potatoes, and steamed vegetables. The sunday breakfast buffet is a culinary extravaganza featuring made-to-order omelets and freshly baked pastries.

Morning and afternoon trail rides wind through the scrub brush and Ponderosa pine carpeting nearby Lopez Meadow for barbecues and hayrides. Or climb to Spanish Springs Peak for a dizzying panorama of Painter Flat and the distant Calico Mountains. Herds of mule deer, prong-horn antelope, and wild mustangs roam freely about the pastures below.

If you're looking for a taste of the American West firsthand, saddle up for the real McCoy. The ranch sponsors honest-to-gosh horse and cattle roundups each spring and fall. Novice cowhands can tackle everything from flushing out stray cattle to chomping down authentic Western grub.

Drakesbad Guest Ranch--First settled by German immigrant E.R. Drake in the 1860s, Drakesbad Guest Ranch is a tranquil oasis nestled deep in the heart of Northern California's Lassen Volcanic National Park. Though Known as a rustic hot springs retreat, the ranch also offers horseback riding along scenic trails that lead to some of America's most spectacular geothermal landmarks.

Warner Valley Road stretches northwest out of the town of Chester about 15 miles before the pavement ends near an entrance to Lassen Volcanic National Park. Be sure to deposit your park entry fee at the self-pay station before continuing along a dusty washboard the remaining 2.4 miles to Drakesbad.

Ranch managers Ed and Billie Fiebiger still greet you with the same genial hospitality that has been a hallmark of this bucolic hideaway for many seasons. Apicnic table shaded by a towering Lodgepole pine serves as a registration desk.

Accommodations range from comfortable lodge rooms (showers are available near the pool) to quaint bungalows featuring hand-hewn pine log double beds, private showers, and sunny porches overlooking Drakesbad Meadow. The lodge rooms and cabins have no electricity, although they're warmed by propane heaters. At night, cuddle up with your favorite bestseller under the warm glow of kerosene lanterns. A modern two-bedroom duplex (equipped for the physically challenged) offers three double beds, one single, a private bath, and electricity (from 6 a.m to 10 p.m.)

In the morning, the heady scent of cinnamon mingles with the woeful strains of Native American flute music. Breakfast is a mouth-watering stack of banana walnut pancakes slathered in pure maple syrup. Head chef Susie Costello (a devout vegetarian) whips up a daily feast of delicious health-conscious entrees. Her pasta stuffed with roasted garlic and topped with tangy asparagus and cherry tomatoes is a Drakesbad favorite. If you're a carnivorous sort, you'll love the roasted tenderloin of beef smothered in peppery mushroom sauce.

In the main lodge, nostalgic reminders of a bygone era fill every nook and cranny. In one corner, an antique cash register guards shelves stocked with candy, film, sunscreen, and other accoutrements of modern life. Its yellowed keys remain muted by a code of honor rarely practiced outside the confines of this quiet sanctuary. Simply record your purchases in a handy account ledger and settle up when you leave.

Daily trail rides wind through emerald forests of Jeffery pine and Incense cedar past bubbling geothermal wonders with names like Devil's Kitchen, Boiling Springs Lake, and Bumpass hell. Along the way, head wrangler Mark Dedascalou unleashes a ribald frenzy of cowboy poetry that will keep you laughing from one steaming fumarole to the next.

After dinner, slide into a hot mineral pool and soothe away the aches and pains of a day in the saddle. Or snuggle next to a roaring campfire where a western singalong is accompanied by the distant yapping of a lone coyote.

Greenhorn Creek Guest Ranch stradles a parched creekbed meandering through Feather River country 70 miles north of Lake Tahoe off Highway 70 near Quincy. This 840-acre spread adjoining the Plumas National Forest has been in operation since 1967.

Look for ranch manager C.T. Nealy who is usually draped across a porch swing outside the main lodge. He's the gravel-voiced sideshow of cordiality who hollers "howdy" when you arrive. Inside, a pot of fresh coffee simmers beside a crackling fireplace. Enjoy a cup as you browse along walls filled with faded snapshots of ranch guests dating back to 1975.

Accommodations range from simple lodge rooms to any of 16 comfortable cedar log cabins. outside your door. Ooze into one of the many hammocks strung between the Sugar maples dotting a hillside bordering Evergreen Creek. And, when the water is running, let the gentle melody of the gurgling rivulet lull you to sleep.

Guided trail rides include an all-day jaunt through a ghostly moonscape of ravaged timber where a 1989 fire charred a one-mile strip from the canyon bottom all the way up to Pilot's Peak. Other diversions include video games, pinball, ping-pong, horeshoes, volleyball, trout fishing and a mini rodeo.

Chef Carla Holland serves three buffet-style meals a day in the newly rebuilt chow hall (the original burned to the ground in 1989). Her spicy Italian lasagna and eye-watering Cajun style tri-tip sandwiches are tangy delights you shouldn't miss.

After dinner, saunter over to the recreation hall for a night of country line and square dancing. Wrangler Julie Koconis will have you doing the Ten Step faster than a June bug on a hot branding iron.

Coffee Creek Ranch--Benjamin Pinkham won this 127-acre chunk of wilderness from "Old charley Hensley" after beating the latter in a series of poker games back in 1900. Later, Pinkham married the local school teacher and the couple opened a 17-room boardinghouse on the site to accommodate local miners who needed a place to stay during the winter.

After the Pinkhams, a succession of proprietors operated Coffee Creek. The ranch's current owners, Mark and Ruth Hartman, bought the place in 1976. (They've since retired and turned the ranch over to their daughter Alicia and her husband Shane Ryan). Today, they offer comfortable accommodations and lively activities in a sylvan canyon 72 miles northwest of Redding.

After you've checked in, pause to admire a sensual panoply of nature from a sun-dappled veranda embracing the main office and dining room. Hummingbirds chatter amid antique coffepots overflowing with colorful geraniums, petunias and impatiens. Nearby, a tangle of kittens snozzes under the shade of a majestic English walnut.

Dirt paths lead beneath fragrant apple trees to a cluster of eclectic cabins perched on a hillside behind the main lodge. Stop along the way at one of several canopied picnic tables to devour a handpicked selection from any of 21 varieties. Units range from a one-bedroom, one-bath bungalow to a 1,500-square-foot family-sized hideaway featuring two bedrooms, a loft, vaulted ceilings, fireplaces and a spacious deck.

The aroma of fresh baked bread wafts up from the kitchen tempting you away from the babbling creek that runs beside your cabin. Family-style meals include a Thursday night steak-fry served al fresco on a charming stone patio overlooking Coffee Creek. A wooden footbridge spanning this crystalline tributary leads to the ranch stables where gentle thoroughbreds frolic in a dusty corral. After a day of riding the trails, unwind in a natural-looking rock waterfall spa. Or kick up your heels in the Pony room to the down-home beat of a live band.

In late summer, Coffee Creek hosts various groups of physically challenged junior buckaroos who mosey in for a week of specially adapted horseback riding, swimming, dancing and camping.